Pure Food & Wine

So after many stellar recommendations and reviews, I finally decided to schlep my ass over to the folks at Pure Food & Wine and see what the ruckus was about. Sadly, not much it seems!

First off, I had mixed feelings about coming to this restaurant since I actually do not really enjoy eating raw food. It’s really hard to not cook something and actually make it taste good at the same time. I figure veganism is enough of a restriction, why must we take it another level and not even COOK food? It doesn’t make much sense to me.

That being said, I am a very open-minded individual so I decided to give it a try. Boy, did I wish I hadn’t.

You call this a "burger?!" For shame!

I ordered the Portabello “burger” which was quite confusing to me because I actually expected bread, not two patties made out of some sort of quinoa-soy concoction.

The “burger” patty or lack thereof consisted of a few meager slices of mushroom, and the whole thing was speared with three olives and a tomato (as you can see I took it off in earnest to see if there was actually a burger under there), and presented with a silly little side-salad which was some fancy lettuce, I dunno.

I was a little shocked and appalled at how small the portion was and how expensive it cost: $17. Though considering the small statures and frames of the surrounding clientele, I guess it shouldn’t have been a surprise.

If I look pissed here, it's because I am STILL HUNGRY!
I've never seen such thin chips. That's not a good thing.

Next we have a guacamole and chip combination. The chips had a papery-consistency that I did not appreciate on account of it going soggy in seconds of it being served. The guacamole itself was mediocre, with nothing really standout about it save for the odd addition of corn kernels. I did not enjoy this either, as I could have made a better “raw” (isn’t guacamole already raw?) guacamole myself from scratch!

 

So I was contemplating not even bothering with dessert, but hey, if I was going to do this “raw” thing right, I may as well follow through.

I have NEVER had such a measly dessert. Till now.

Next we have this oh-so-lovely cookie-on-a-plate. I kid you not, they gave us ONE fucking COOKIE a little bit smaller than a regular oreo. And considering the price, which was $3.50, I would have MUCH preferred to buy myself a whole package of REAL oreos. The taste was totally awful– the wafers had the consistency of cardboard and the creme was almost nonexistent. Oh, and this particular rip-off is called the “Orreo Cookie”. Is the extra “r” supposed to make me feel better about watching my $ fall down the drain along with those composted carrot shavings? 0 out of 5 carrots!

The only high point... no, I should say, not totally disappointing point... of my whole meal.

 

So finally, we have my personal favorite, Tiramisu. I figured even THESE people wouldn’t be able to fuck up such a classic dessert. And although it surely was not the best I’ve tasted (Vegan Treats has a MIND-blowing rendition of the classic Italian cappuccino companion), it was actually not bad! I am sad to admit that this cake made me more full than the entrée ever did. The inner layer is comprised of sake-marinated cake and the icing/creme was a good, creamy consistency, smooth and buttery. The top was simply dusted with cocoa powder and the portion was agreeable, even though the price was still steep: $15. I guess the fact that it is raw kinda makes me think it’s a little more okay. But not really. 3.5 out of 5 carrots.

 

The service was actually very pleasant and affable, so at least it wasn’t a total snob-fest.

Service: 

So this trip was a complete flop. I daresay I will never give overpriced, raw food another go, but the ambiance and bathroom were top-notch, as should be expected, and it seems like a classy place to take a date. Just don’t expect to leave satisfied. Well, at least not food-wise.

 

Sound it out!

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2 comments

  1. I guess I won’t be eating at this place. I like the photos. .5 out of 5? Damn.

    $3.50 for a bootleg Oreo? That’s outrageous.

    Here’s a tip, for food, you shot use the “macro” mode on your camera and shoot from 3-4 inches above the cuisine. Want to see higher rez photos next time :D

    I subscribed btw.

  2. You ordered the wrong food, kid. Go back, sit outside and order the amazing appertizers. You will be blown away. Give it another try, don’t write it off just yet.

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